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How to Win at Being Single

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I’m single and I’m actually feeling pretty good about it. You see, two broken halves don’t make a whole, I am sick, sick sick sick and, guess what? SICK of people wanting a relationship with the swift conclusion that by finally entering one this new person will magically fix them. Only you can fix yourself and it is just plain unfair to put that pressure onto someone else.

Being single, although fun, can sometimes make you feel so alone, so frustrated that you are surrounded by all these people, but that none “fit” you. Sometimes it feels like you are just this absolute freak, no one makes you happy, you’re sick of singlehood, but you just can’t find that person, it’s very frustrating! But when you’re out, and you just catch eyes with that hot boy/girl and it’s like this agreement electrifies through the air and sends the mutual signal “You are hot” it restores your faith, your faith that chemistry like that exists, and you know what? It’s just plain fun.

Oh… It get’s better though, you start talking to them and realize “Hold on… This person finds me interesting?” and then you realize “Hold on… I think this person is fascinating.”  Sometimes the chemistry or “spark” isn’t as obvious, sometimes it’s a gradual build up, but you know it’s always there. And I love that.

There’s a Japanese expression “Koi No Yokan” which means the sense upon first meeting a person that the two of you are going to fall into love. Note, however, that this is not love at first sight. When you feel that spark with someone it’s not you falling in love, in fact there’s a high likely hood that it won’t work out. I say I have only felt this three times, and only one of those times did it turn into a proper relationship. Am I bitter that the other two didn’t work out as planned? The weird thing is, no, not at all. If anything I’m grateful!

That type of chemistry (although rarely experienced) is the only thing that get’s me exited about the romantic future. I can’t wait until the next time I experience it, even if it takes years (which sometimes it can) I know that it’s possible, and I know that it’s what I should wait out for. So the next time you’re flirting with some beautiful individual and it doesn’t work out, it shouldn’t make you sad, it should make you the opposite!

You win at being single by not taking any bullshit; I’d rather be me without the cuddles than not me but with cuddles (Although I get plenty of cuddles from friends, family, cats… but it’s not the same… we all know that)

That “Koi No Yokan” fills me with peace and sheer giddiness. The guys I have experienced this with have made such an impression on me, not a sad one because it wasn’t a breakup, but one that to this day makes me effervescent with joy at the thought. I look back on these brief moments of sheer chemistry and smile with excitement.

You win at being single by getting to know yourself and  love yourself, by enjoying the solitude while at the same time being open to new experiences. A lot of people want their prince/princess but are too lazy to go out and kiss any frogs (although the frog kissing certainly speeds things along) but it’s not necessary. Be the single person you want to be, be it the overly flirtatious disco diva or the pizza eating Breaking Bad sloth, just never second guess yourself and do what you enjoy. Most importantly, be proud of who you are because well, you’re fantastic.

There was a while where I was worried, worried If I didn’t go out “clubbing” I’d never meet a guy, but than I realized, the type of guy I would want wouldn’t hang out in a nightclub, but maybe yours would! You see, it’s all relative. But what is important is to take risks when needed and just generally roll with the punches, realize there’s no age limit with love and nothing is standardized.

Flirting’s fun too, I love flirting. I mean I’m shit at it (with way too obvious or too horribly subtle to the point where even I don’t know if I’m flirting or not) but I love it. It gives a thrill and makes me fell attractive on the few times I succeed, no matter how much of a recluse you may be, try flirting. Flirting works kind of like exercise in that the more you do it the less you’ll go all red and sweaty while doing it.

I always feel silly writing about relationship topics like this, mainly because I’m kind of frightened by how insane it makes me appear (which I’m guessing is a lot), and I’m not entirely sure who exactly reads this blog, so I’ll leave by saying something small that hopefully makes me seem (even if it’s only slightly) less insane. At the moment I am single, with not a single crush, and I feel more confident in myself than I ever did when I was in a relationship. I’m willing to accept love should it happen to fall onto my lap, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to force it and it seems like a good place to be.

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About saoirse

A young adventurer like yourself.

One response »

  1. I wrote a post about ‘the stigma in single’ if you’re interested in checking it out. http://whenwemumble.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/stigma-in-being-single-2/

    Reply

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