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Author Archives: saoirse

How to Win at Brownies

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Now, as much as I love talking about emotions and shit, this post is purely about some delicious chocolate goo. Even if you don’t really cook, just try this. Random baking that involves chocolate rarely goes wrong and it is a good little break off the computer and doesn’t take much time.

Anyone who knows me knows I’m a terrible cook, but when it comes to brownies, I know what I’m doing, trust me. Now… I know this is going to seem like an exaggeration but…..I am in possession of the most glorious of brownie recipes that I am willing to share. I have (to this day) never come across brownies as good as mine. And I mean that. The problem is Brownies (at least over here) are too cake-y, this easy recipe gives time after time delicious chewy brownies with a crunchy crust.

So, here’s the list of ingredients:

2oz cocoa powder

4oz butter

1lb sugar

4oz flour

3 eggs

2tsp vanilla

See? Very simple recipe, it’s all about the ratios. Preheat over to 160C and leave for precisely 50 minutes. Make sure you put butter or something to stop it sticking to the pan. Allow to cool before cutting… Actually… You don’t really have to do that if you don’t have the patience (come to think about it I rarely do) it just means it will cut into proper squares, but so long as you don’t care about presentation or burning your mouth, once it’s out of the oven do as you’re pleased.

You can have two separate mixing bowls, one for the wet ingredients and one for the dry ingredients and mix them together at the end. You’re also meant to use a sieve… But I never do because I’m lazy. It works fine if you just plonk it all in a mixing bowl and attack it with an electric whisk. You can add what ever fun bits and bobs you like such as walnuts, chocolate chips, weed or even crack cocaine; the possibility are endless.

This recipe is one myself and my mother spent years trying to get right, every ingredient listed is listed because it works. Don’t forget to enjoy your brownies with a nice lovely pint of milk to get the best TBO (taste-bud orgasm) possible.

Happy Baking.

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Important Relationship Lessons Toy Story Taught Us

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So, I had a Toy Story marathon which quickly taught me a very important lesson: When going through a break-up the Toy Story movies are perhaps one of the best things to watch, seriously not only did it make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside (which it did… so lovely and warm) but I had many positive epiphanies throughout about relationships (both romantic and platonic). Here are some of those important lessons that Pixar subtly teach us.

Warning: Spoilers for all 3 Toy Story’s are in this article.

Don’t let Jealously ruin potential friendships- This point is mainly emphasized in the first movie when Andy receives a new Buzz Lightyear, a high tech toy with flashing lights and wings. Woody immediately begins to feel threatened and let’s face it, starts to act like a bit of a dick. Woody became sad, anxious and bitter as Buzz became the new “spotlight” toy. Instead of embracing the new toy as an equal, he treated him with resentment and tried to knock him behind thee desk (resulting in him accidentally being flung out the window). By the end of the movie they were best friends and Woody accepted sharing the spotlight. I know sometimes I have let my own personal jealousy of someone I hardly know effect potential friendships with amazing people. Maybe your jealously is stopping you finding the Buzz to your Woody (that sounds way more sexual then it was intended to be)

Look at dem cuties

Sometimes a reality check is in order, and although difficult it is definitely worth it- In Toy Story 1 there’s a beautiful sequence in which Buzz realizes he is, in fact a child’s toy. It’s a very touching scene that made me cry as a child. Now… initially he doesn’t handle the news that he is a toy very well, but can you really blame him? His entire world has just been shattered! We next see him dressed as “Mrs. Nesbitt” in the mist of a mental breakdown. Woody slaps him some sense into him but he is still in a deep set sorrow. Not caring about his fate (he’s meant to be exploded by a rocket in a few hours) But eventually he realizes to accept who he is and realize that although he may not be a real space ranger there is still a little boy who cares deeply about him just the was he is, and let’s face it, he becomes a way better character once he realizes this. So, message? Sometimes we believe things that aren’t true because it makes us feel better about ourselves, be it denial of a failed relationship, how we act or whatever, the point is a reality check is sometimes in order and it’s painful and difficult but it ultimately leads us to becoming better people.

“One minute you’re defending the whole galaxy, and, suddenly, you find yourself sucking down darjeeling with Marie Antoinette… and her little sister.”

Just because you’ve been hurt before, doesn’t mean you should close yourself off to future relationships- In yet another Toy Story scene that has made me cry, we learn how hurt Jessie was to be forgotten about and eventually donated. To me I viewed this as a metaphor for romantic relationships. Jessie was so hurt and wanted to go live in a museum where she will never be forgotten about, but she would also never be loved in the same way. Eventually she opens her heart up again and goes to be Andy’s toy, which we know from the rest of the movie and Toy Story 3 was definitely the right decision.

When somebody loves you…..

When it comes to love, don’t worry about the future just enjoy the present- This point kind of ties in with the last one, in Toy Story 2 Woody basically needs to decide to spend eternity in a museum or a few years to be loved by a boy. The latter is uncertain and short lived, but Woody knows the importance of love, even if it’s short lived. Again, romantic relationships, don’t back out of one because you’re scared of it eventually ending. The joy is worth the sorrow (something I’m learning to accept myself).

“I can’t stop Andy from growing up… but I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Although they may be dreamy, don’t settle for someone who’s horrible to your friends- Let’s face it, Barbie in Toy Story 3 is KICK-ASS although her and Ken seem “Made for each other” when she realizes how horrible he is to her friends does she still stay with them in the dream house? NO, she joins her friends. That’s an important lesson right there.

Just look at that bad-ass glare

Just because a couple may seem right for each other, doesn’t mean they are- Although Woody and Jessie appear to be made for each other, they aren’t. Opposites attract and Jessie’s heart belongs to Buzz and poor Woody will never get over the tragic loss of Bo Peep (what ever happened to her?)

Buzz: I, uh, I have no idea what came over me. Jessie: Just go with it, Buzz.

Sometimes people appear nice, but they’re actually dicks- Lotso, ‘nuff said.

He smells like strawberries and blood

If you’ve been hurt in the past, don’t use it as an excuse to be a dick- Again, Lotso. He was replaced. If you have ever seen someone you once loved with someone else you may sympathize with Lotso, but he changed and became hard and distant. When hurt use the experience to change for the better, not the worst.

Sometimes, those really annoying people you hate, actually are really important, don’t underestimate them- OK, during that VERY stressful moment when all the toys were almost BURNED TO DEATH (How could you do that to my emotions Pixar… HOW?!?!) Thanks to Lotso-dick-face who rescued them? That’s right, those 3 alien dudes. My Potato head thought they were annoying and stupid but these are the same people who saved his life! I feel there’s a huge lesson in that.

these guys are FUCKING AWESOME

Just because someone parts with you, doesn’t mean they don’t still love you- In my opinion this is the most important lesson of the Toy Story trilogy and the one I personally found the most helpful. Sometimes people outgrown each other. Just because Andy doesn’t play with his toys anymore, doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about them deeply, just because someone doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore, doesn’t mean they don’t still care. Sometimes only one person changes (Andy) and the other doesn’t, the other stays loyal (the toys) but eventually have to accept that if the other person has moved on, maybe they should too. Not in a sad way, but in a way that acknowledges that the relationship was very important to both, but now must end even though the other is still willing. Andy was going to take Woody to College, but eventually realized he’d have a better life where he would be played with, it was difficult but for the best.

“Now Woody, he’s been my pal for as long as I can remember. He’s brave, like a cowboy should be. And kind, and smart. But the thing that makes Woody special, is he’ll never give up on you… ever. He’ll be there for you, no matter what.”

And would you look at that I’m crying.

Basically, Pixar is awesome.

How to Win at Having Your Heart Broken.

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You can’t, sorry.

Infidelity

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Could you forgive a cheater? If you asked me a few years (or even a few months) ago my answer would be a straight up no. I already have trust issues and personally feel like I wouldn’t be able to trust them again.

But what is cheating. So many different views and opinions. I know some people who say they could forgive their partner for kissing someone as long as they didn’t sleep together, other people would be fine with both as long as it was meaningless, and some people freak out if their partner is merely flirting a little bit, and consider that mentally cheating.

Luckily I’ve never had to be put in the position where I have been cheated on, so, I really don’t know how I’d react.

The book I’m currently reading (The Slap by Christos Tsiolkas, good book, worth a read if you have the chance) has a lot of infidelity in marriages happening and it got me thinking a lot about the topic.

These days the word Love is thrown around like crazy, but I find commitment much more special. “I’m committed to you” is far more powerful than “I love you”, loving someone doesn’t take effort. You can cheat on someone and still love them, but are you commited to them? no.

I’ve started thinking about the difference between porn and cheating and there doesn’t seem to be much of one if you think about it. The other person is still getting their physical pleasure from another being that isn’t their partner. Of course, this day an age pretty much all men watch porn (and a good deal of women). If a woman were to break up with her husband/boyfriend for watching porn society would think that she was completely over reacting. Unless he’s a porn addict and it is actively interfering with the couples actual sex life.

Where do you draw the line though? People say porn is different because it’s not a real women, but what about cyber sex than? is that not the same as porn? and with the way technology is going it won’t be long until masturbation to porn will pretty much feel like real sex with a real human being. Is there really a huge difference between mental and physical connections?

If a guy watches porn every now and again but still is a loving father to his wife and kids, still sexually attracted to his wife (and let’s him know it) what’s the harm? If the guy casually as a mistress who he sleeps with very now and again but still is a loving father to his wife and kids, still sexually attracted to his wife (and let’s him know it) what’s the harm? It’s just interesting that’s all. Is it worth throwing an entire loving relationship away because of one slip up? I… I don’t know.

Personally I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself if I cheated on my partner but could I forgive them? Who knows, hopefully that’s something I never have to figure out.

Just some food for thought. This is just a random stream of consciousness, please share your opinions.

The Second Time Your Heart Gets Broken.

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There are some lucky people in the world who have not yet endured the very human experience that is giving another human being your whole heart and watching them not fully accept it, and then eventually throw it on the ground… This of course is the joy of being heartbroken.

Then there are others who experience this pain… possibly enter a state of depression but grow from it and then their next relationship is one that sticks, never having to experience that gut wrenching pain of unrequited love ever again.

And then there are those who get heartbroken another time after that, and again after that… and again and again and again.

I once saw a beautiful article about the second time you fall in love.   I know it’s silly but when I was going through my first serious break-up it was one of the few things that gave me hope. There’s loads of articles about the first time you fall in love, about your first heartache, about falling in love for a second time… But not much about the second time your heart get’s ripped out of your chest, so let me write one.

The second time you get your heart broken… To put it blunty.. is shit. I mean, all break-ups are shit… But it’s shit, so we all agree; suddenly stopping a close connection with someone is shit.

It will feel strangely close to the first time, that deep sick sensation in your stomach, and the fiery pain in your lungs as you try to breath. When the pain kicks in that’s when there will be a quick succession of anger wrapped in denial. I mean… this is not happening.. Not after last time. You are so angry at yourself for putting yourself in a vulnerable position again, for being so quick to jump into love after months (and in some cases years) of getting over the initial heart ache. You’re angry at yourself because you thought you learned… when obviously you didn’t.. and now you’re here.. again… in pain.

After your body settles down, you realize you have to go through all the pain of getting over someone…again. Only, the odd thing is.. you know you will, you’re not left in the same sense of lost despair that you were the first time. You’ve done it before sure, you can do it again. It’s more, you’re not looking  forward to it. You’re not looking forward to being used to being alone again, to finding ways to fill your spare time until the loneliness doesn’t kill you anymore, of having to yet again leave a comfort zone you only just found.

The first time your heart is broken, it’s a shock to your system, you’ve never dealt with this sort of pain, the second time is a shock as well, but it feels way more unfair. You know you’ll get over it though, which is nice, instead of entering a dark depression like last time, it’s more a brief while of painful agony. You know that you’ll be able to move on much quicker than you did the first time.

It hurts. It hurts like crazy. You wonder if you will every actually find a love that won’t leave you feeling the way you do.. and you start to question whether its worth it or not. There are a few different types of people in regards to relationships, some people have no bother being single and having one night stands and being content, and if they happen to fall in love, well that’s great too.

Me? I’m not one of those people, I wish I was BELIEVE me I wish I was. The truth is I am a relationship junkie, I give my heart away too easy to any beautiful person I feel a connection with, and then I end up hurt multiple times, back in a pathetic wailing state where my heart and tear ducts are just far too fatigued. I’m a hopeless romantic and maybe I view life as some big fantastic movie (being a drama student will do that to you) when it’s not. Life is just life, sometimes people stay together forever, sometimes you don’t.

The second time your heart get’s broken leaves you questioning fate. You’re scared… But hey, you got over it and fell in love again. So, it will be all right, at least, I sure do hope it will be.

How To Win at Hot Chocolate

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The art of making hot chocolate is one that I do not take lightly. You may be out for lunch, or at a friend’s house and foolishly accept a cup of chocolately joy. “What’s the worst that could happen” you think, “Hot chocolate’s hot chocolate I’ll be happy with what ever I get” and then it comes to you; this watery brown mess of artificial sugar that was, you guessed it, made only on water. The shame, the horror. Hot chocolate made on water.

I am something of a hot chocolate snob. I was raised with hot chocolate of a very high standard from a very young age and have spent years experimenting and testing out various cocoa beverages around the globe.  All hot chocolates are different and people have different tastes, but there are a few things you should try and a few things you should absolutely never do.

I feel the first is obvious, don’t make water based hot chocolate. This is only acceptable if you are a fan of dark chocolate to begin with. A bock of 100% good quality cocoa grated into boiling water with a hint of chili powder can be amazing, but this is not the sweet chocolaty beverage most people associate with hot chocolate but it is still amazing. In conclusion, water based hot chocolates shouldn’t only be done with good quality and un-sweet ingredients.

The ratios when making hot chocolate with unsweetened cocoa powder is close to impossible to get correct so I eventually caved and resorted to using ready mix hot chocolates to avoid having to add sugar, sometimes it feels like cheating but then I taste that sweet beautiful drink and I know its not in vain. Green & Blacks do a really nice hot chocolate range (the orange one is yummy!) but Cadburys is your standard faithful drinking chocolate mix. Try and stay away from the ridiculously gimmicky ones (Of course there’s no shame in trying that new Wisp hot chocolate!) they tend to taste overly artificial.

I find the best is one-third water, one-third milk and one-third cream, this way it’s nice and creamy without being too sickening. If making for loads of people you’re best doing it the only fashioned way (on a stove) but sometimes you may have to resort to using a microwave because… well… it’s easier (even if it may give you a tail and other mutations), either way, you watch that bad boy like a hawk! NOTHING is worse than having your hot chocolate explode and having to wash the crevices of the microwave (ok… maybe a few things are worse but it’s still pretty nasty).

Experiment with your own secret ingredients (Mine’s hazelnut syrup), maybe mint? Vanilla? GO CRAZY! And, if you want something extra special, melt a square of your favorite chocolate bar in at the end. Simply delicious.

Hot Chocolate is probably one of the more complex of the hot beverages. Yes, tea and coffee follow certain rules, but they are task drinks that can be easily done if the basic instructions are followed (e.g. never ever microwave tea) but hot chocolate is different, making hot chocolate isn’t a skill, it’s an art form. Never make hot chocolate if you are not in the correct state of mind, love and care need to go in to each cup. Take your time making and drinking it and understand the care that must go in when others are making it more you and be patient.

So go out and experiment yourself! Come up with your own secret touches to making mouth-watering amazing drinks. Have you’re friends pupils dilate as they taste all the love you put into their drink, after all, the only way to really win at hot chocolate is to really care.

Can We Please Stop Using Words Like “Cunt” and “Pussy”?

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As words ‘cunt’ and ‘pussy’ have never appealed to me. Why? Basically because they don’t sound nice. Not only do they not sound nice but they have a huge negative connotation. “He’s a cunt”, “Don’ be a pussy”. I don’t think it’s nice for us ladies to have such disgusting words used in such a disgusting way for such a beautiful part of our bodies.

Girls are self conscience enough about their vag and I don’t really think it’s fair adding to it. Words like these make me uncomfortable, I kinda feel like it’s the same as using a racist slur, it’s a sexist slur.

But Saoirse, people use ”Dick” in a negative way all the time, in fact you do all the time‘ yes, but it’s different, I don’t know why or how but it just is. I have a few theory’s for this and they’re a bit.. um.. crude.

Basically (bare with me here, I don’t mean to be sexist but am going to use a lot of generalizations here, I know exceptions exist and I always take that into account with individuals, but with a theory you sometimes need to stereotype a little) in regards to sex men generally have it a lot easier. They um… (Goodness me, why am I so awkward) find it easier to… you know… It’s a lot more physical for them and as a general rule it’s easier and more straight forward for them to get aroused and then cum (There I said it!) also, there’s not as much pressure for them to look good, ok ok, I know there’s pressure and guys suffer from objectification just as much as girls but it’s not the same you (if you’re a male) have no idea what it’s like to freak out because you forgot to shave your legs.

A lot of the time, girls are scared of sex, ok not scared… more nervous. They aren’t as comfortable with their bodies as men (maybe it’s because it’s harder to see). In this day and age the sexual revolution, despite all the years, is still happening, many women are still too hung up and anxious about themselves to really enjoy what’s going on. I think one way to stop this is to admit vaginas are beautiful and to stop saying synonyms for them unless they are in a positive manner.

All vaginas are beautiful, the same way all penis’s are beautiful. Young, old, sexually adept to sexually inept, the human form is beautiful (and cunt is an awful word).