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Category Archives: You

Your own positive mental well being (well… my opinion on how to make it better)

Can We Please Stop Using Words Like “Cunt” and “Pussy”?

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As words ‘cunt’ and ‘pussy’ have never appealed to me. Why? Basically because they don’t sound nice. Not only do they not sound nice but they have a huge negative connotation. “He’s a cunt”, “Don’ be a pussy”. I don’t think it’s nice for us ladies to have such disgusting words used in such a disgusting way for such a beautiful part of our bodies.

Girls are self conscience enough about their vag and I don’t really think it’s fair adding to it. Words like these make me uncomfortable, I kinda feel like it’s the same as using a racist slur, it’s a sexist slur.

But Saoirse, people use ”Dick” in a negative way all the time, in fact you do all the time‘ yes, but it’s different, I don’t know why or how but it just is. I have a few theory’s for this and they’re a bit.. um.. crude.

Basically (bare with me here, I don’t mean to be sexist but am going to use a lot of generalizations here, I know exceptions exist and I always take that into account with individuals, but with a theory you sometimes need to stereotype a little) in regards to sex men generally have it a lot easier. They um… (Goodness me, why am I so awkward) find it easier to… you know… It’s a lot more physical for them and as a general rule it’s easier and more straight forward for them to get aroused and then cum (There I said it!) also, there’s not as much pressure for them to look good, ok ok, I know there’s pressure and guys suffer from objectification just as much as girls but it’s not the same you (if you’re a male) have no idea what it’s like to freak out because you forgot to shave your legs.

A lot of the time, girls are scared of sex, ok not scared… more nervous. They aren’t as comfortable with their bodies as men (maybe it’s because it’s harder to see). In this day and age the sexual revolution, despite all the years, is still happening, many women are still too hung up and anxious about themselves to really enjoy what’s going on. I think one way to stop this is to admit vaginas are beautiful and to stop saying synonyms for them unless they are in a positive manner.

All vaginas are beautiful, the same way all penis’s are beautiful. Young, old, sexually adept to sexually inept, the human form is beautiful (and cunt is an awful word).

It’s Okay to be Silly

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Envision the scene: you’re at a party half-way through your first beer (so you’re still reasonably sober) and someone galumps over to you full of beans yelling something like “DO THE BIG FISH LITTLE FISH CARDBOARD BOX DANCE WITH ME” and you’re like “Um… no.” Because you don’t know this person and feel a little awkward.

Are you there? Are you imagining it? Okay, now let us continue; the person accepts (your polite) decline then goes off dancing like a mad thing and just generally having a bit of fun. Would I be right in saying that if you were put in that situation you’d just assume the person just had to be off their face on some sort of intoxicant?

Of course I would, but why? Why is it if you act even a little insane people automatically assume you’re either drunk or on drugs? Why aren’t adults allowed to feel the hyper giddiness of a child without the fear of people thinking they dropped 2 tabs of E the prvious hour?

Recently I did a session of Laughing Yoga (I would like to point out that this was in fact free) and although the whole thing seemed… well… looney, the whole thing did kinda make sense and it served it’s purpose. To bring out that giddyness.

For those of you who don’t know, I’ll explain in lamens terms the idea of this Laughing Yoga. Basically, you all sit in a circle and through various amounts of drama-like work shops, force yourself to laugh; the idea being that your brain can’t tell the difference between forced and genuine smiles/laughter, it still triggers the happy chemicals (Serotonin) which fiils you wth joy and energy. It’s this same chemicals that people gain artificially though pills, this child-like hyper energy.

So, just laugh. Laughing is amazing, if you take anything at all away from this take that. It’s great for all emotions (Go on, go show me that evil maniacal laugh of yours). I wouldn’t pay to sit in a circle and laugh with others because I feel it’s something I can do on my own, but maybe some people need the push. Just try laughing at yourself in the mirror a few minutes a day, you’d be surprised just how much it will boost open your mood. When I was younger I used to be quite self-consious about my laugh, now that I’m older I understand the sheer stupidity of that. So go on. Laugh, even if you have no reason to, eventually you’ll find one.

When we were younger we had some pretty nasty habits, we were impatient and sometimes even had tantrums, this is something that we all (hopefully) grow out of, unfortunately our sillyness goes too.

I’m happy that despite my trials and tribulations I can still make funny faces as I sing disney songs alone in my room (that’s not even the weirdest thing I do….) I’m happy I still have my spark.

I am, however, upset people can’t just act hyper and happy without the assumption that they are drunk or, how you kids say, “Yipped”.

I’m upset that I’m afraid to embrace my own silly demenor as it will make me appear immature.

At the same time though I’m extreamely grateful and happy that that burst of serotonin happiness can be experienced without half a tab.

There’s a saying “Anyone can be passioate but it takes real lovers to be silly” (Rose Franklin). I couldn’t agree with this more. I think the most lasting relationships are the ones where you can just allow yourself to be free, to goof off and laugh over the most simplist of life’s pleasures. To not be embarrassed or ashamed about doing what you feel then is spontanious and joyful. I think this is not just the case for romantic relationships, but also friendships and most immportantly, the relationship you have with yourself. (I know I know, I’m cheesy as a mofo)

I hate using the word “Childish” in references to sillyness because it gives the negative conatation that acting goofy is immature and not age approprate. Being silly is always age approprate. What’s immature is not taking the greater world into account, it’s holding on to minor mishaps that aren’t important, it’s not being able to be serious, It’s how you treat others around you. One can be mature even if they are acting a bit hyper from the 7UP (or coffee, we’re adults now) they had earlier. So can we please stop refering to fits of adult hyperactivity as immature? Yes? Okay. Thank you.

The reason children still have this beautiful ability so clearly is because society hasn’t yet beat them down, and while it’s good to be beaten down like this, as it helps you grow, that gem, that spark of pure innocent joyous hyper-ness, let’s try not to lose that. Because once something takes that away from you then it’s truly beaten you.

So, next time things just, well, to put it bluntly, fuck up. Just laugh, try and see the comical end of things (I like to sometimes imagine my life as a bad T.V. Sit-com), next time you’re at a party maybe tone down the drink, see if you can gain the social confidence and excitement to meet new people on your own brain chemistry.

Just some food for thought.

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Grudges

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Holding grudges are something of a flaw in my personality, one that I have only recently come to terms with. I know now that holding grudges is puerile and essentially ineffective.

So, why do people bother holding grudges? It’s widely known how pointless the seething poison of a grudge really is. For my part, I wanted people to know I was hurt, that it wasn’t fair, I wanted justice. Which makes sense, if someone makes you suffer you think it’s only fair that they should deal with the consequences, even if they apologize- they still did it and the damage was still done, why should they get away scot free?

When it comes to holding a grudge people as a general rule have double standards. They find it hard to forgive and forget others and yet would profusely complain if someone were to bring back something egregious from their own past. I think it’s that very reason that made me focus in and do my best to get rid of my own personal grudges that I’ve held onto for far too long. If I feel I deserve a second chance, then I should start believing that others do too, after all, it’s only fair.

What if the other person isn’t really sorry? Then what? They don’t want a second change ergo I shall not give it to them; no one wins. They know you’re angry with them but it won’t really affect them. Apologies are nice but at the end of the day you’ve already decided if you are going to let go, and an apology won’t change that. If you’ve already decided to let go, an apology just confirms that idea at the back of your head and fills you with warmness; although ultimately pointless, it’s still important to apologize.

I’ve always struggled with the whole “Forgive and forget” thing, from a very young age. People have hurt me. And I can’t seem to just shake that off; in turn I am only really hurting myself more. I’m stuck being unable to trust, unable to truly be free. That’s what happens when you don’t forgive. The hatred bubbles up inside you and you aren’t really you. It’s easier, while at the same time being a million times harder, to just let go.

I’ll give you an example. Say you had a falling out with a friend and it’s gone past the point where you’re full on fighting with each other, just giving each other the cold shoulder with a side order of dagger eyes. It’s better for everyone if you just smile, act polite and try and have fun with them anyway, even if they hurt you in the past, whether they apologized or not, even if they still have a grudge against you, you’ll feel freer if you just let the whole incident breeze by and concentrate on the now. It’s a simple concept but people just can’t seem to do it!

I’m not just talking about small squabbles though, no, this whole forgive and forget thing goes far deeper than that. The saddest thing about the human trait of holding grudges is a lot of the time it’s with people we have no chance of ever seeing again, you let the effects of them stay as bitter memories and ruin your chance of creating joy in similar yet completely new situations.

I am going to tell you something that took me years to figure out; by holding a grudge you are ultimately damaging yourself. I don’t know why it took me so long to figure that out. Surely it’s obvious enough right? Recently I’ve been trying very hard to forget my own past, to forget the mistakes of not only others but also myself. I’m not going to lie, it’s fucking hard. And sometimes I fail, ok… I fail a lot. I find myself having sometimes-entire evenings tainted because I can’t focus on letting go. I can only focus on the “what if they haven’t changed?” and the “They still don’t like me” not to mention the “They have every reason not to” And so on and so forth.

But I’ll tell you, those brief moments when I do just focus on moving on and releasing the past, well, it’s beautiful. Hate gets you nowhere, neither does regret, nor sorrow. That isn’t saying you should completely forget. Learn from your experiences and become wiser but keep smiling and show nothing but kindness and fun and understanding to those who you struggle the most with.

I ask you to think about all I’ve said. Think of all your grudges and realize the damage it’s causing to you. I hope you will join me in my quest to forgive and forget, and if so congratulations and good luck because it’s not easy, but it’s worth it. You’ll be respected by others and generally live a happier life, now if that’s not a win I don’t know what is.